You Know You're From Conrad, Montana When

You wish you were on Tiber water because the water in Conrad kind of sucks
You rotate days you eat out due to restaurants being closed on certain days or certain times
You go to Great Falls once a month and never stop to see anyone you know because you have errands to run, and really, you're tired of hearing about it.
You talk about when Main Drive Inn will be open for the summer, and you remember when it was the Tastee Freeze
You've gotten into an argument over which pizza is better, Coaches Corner or Howard's Pizza. Everyone knows it's Coaches
Pizza Burgers or Keggers from the Keg are enough to make the drive to Conrad
Only one place in town delivers, and they're only open for dinner
Bowling and/or Pool is life
You never have to tell the bartender what you want. They grab it as soon as you walk in
The Buckaroos
You have a charge account almost everywhere in town
Everything at Home Cafe, especially Turkey Dinner Day (for me it's the big salads and that roll)
Whoop-Up is the drunkiest weekend of the year
Tons of people you know had their wedding reception at the Country Club
The rest of the people you know had their wedding reception at the Moose
Nothing really goes on the 4th of July because everyone's in Choteau or camping
You know how to get to the rodeo grounds like the back of your hand
You can call the police for a ride home if you're drunk and they'll do it and be nice about it the whole time
You know exactly where Betty's Diner used to be
The 4 miler
You know, at least, 2 people that used to work for Arnot's
You were served at the Rope for the first time at Whoop-Up, when you were 17
You know Wylie Gustafson's Place. And if you wrote this article, his buffalo made you late for work one day.
Sometimes you eat lunch at the co-op
Sandy Beach
You still talk about how much you miss the Ancient Mariner
You can tell your family story with the dings in the walls and ceiling at the bowling alley in the Branding Iron
You know a Conrad from the "Conrad Conrads"
Cruising main on weekends, or in really cool cars, right after you got married
The fish slide at Meadowlark
You used to go to that little convenience store to "buy cigarettes for your parents" and nobody ever questioned it. Ever.
The Million Dollar F##k Up
A lot of your friends married the person they dated in high school, and they're still married
You know where the drive in theatre was
The curfew whistle
Nothing is open on Sunday except the IGA, Town Pump, the co-op and the bars
The soda fountain at Olson's Drug
Senior pranks, when the Seniors ride their horses to school